2003 Oct 8 - 星 期 三
I picked a final year project n signed contract w/ a supervisor. em... this makes me feel a little bit more secured than b4. well, although I dun feel much about it now, it's like I've done an assignment only, but I am sure I will be glad that I am set on sth later when my feeling's coming back.
actually it's not an easy project at all.. but as said earlier, I dun care if it's a bitch project, it's like I am looking at my own matter as if they are stuff of a total stranger. it's set n I can focus on sth instead of wandering around, that's a good progress to me.
well, u are writing more on my page than on ur own now, haha.
em.... maybe I do believe there are ppl who just click too... I probably mean "I dun see how it's coming (to/into/towards my way) "
I mean... I'll try my best if there's sth I want... but if I have to go so out of my way, if I have to turn into another person to get it. I dunno if I would... (this is more unsure than negation) I think being the person who I am, it means a lot, though not that I really liked myself, but staying true to myself is a really big thing to me. well, in fact, I really hate myself not being the kind of person who can get the stuff I want easily, but I am sure I would hate myself even more if I fake anything to get the stuff. I dunno, yet another dilemma... u feeling bad that u can't get sth coz it takes sth not ur character to achieve... n u hate changing urself even more...
Do I really hate changing myself or I am just not strong enough to?
If I do sth I dun normally do to achieve sth, does it mean I really became another person?
follow up, If I have to change a lot to achieve sth, does it really mean it's not worthy? or how do I value sth like that?
well, these apply to a lot of things... I really hate living for another yr here in Kingston, but I need to do it to get my degree... and apparently I am doing it now. I can sacrifice for my degree, wot about for other things? wot would I sacrifice?
I am having more questions than answers these days. wot's worse is, to some of the above Qs, I used to have a decision on where I stand, but now I flips back to unsure now.